All Around Me
by Gadget 151
Summary: Pendergast Novels. Takes place between OneDay & Prince of Flame, directly after Ryan Elmasy's murder and before Halo goes to England. Rated for language, violence and masochism. Based off the song by Flyleaf All Around Me. Please review! Chapter 8 up now.
1. Chapter 1

**Fan Fiction # 32**

**Pendergast, Halo Spencer**

"**All Around Me"**

**DICLAIMER- Pendergast, Proctor and Constance belong to Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child. Halo Spencer, Ryan Elmasy and the plot belong to me. -Gadget**

**Chapter 1**

**Pendergast's POV**

He was sitting in the back of an ambulance when I arrived, covered in blood and for his sake I hoped some of it was his own. An EMT was holding a stethoscope to his chest and checking his blood pressure. He sat there patiently, staring off into space, his dark sunglasses perched on top his curly black hair. He hadn't noticed me yet and I took the opportunity to just watch him.

At the beginning of the day, I was sure Halo Spencer's shirt had been white but now, as it was nearing 6pm, his shirt had turned crimson in places and pinkish in others with the blood that covered him. His faded jeans and Converse sneakers were blood stained as well, nearly caked in the stuff. The officer that called me on his behalf hadn't told me anything of the situation, only that a former FBI agent had requested my presence. I had arrived as quickly as I could; I never knew what the situation could bring when Halo asked for my help.

"I'm going to check your eyes now Mister Spencer." The EMT said, slinging the stethoscope around her neck and taking out a small flashlight. "Could you remove your contacts?"

"I'm not wearing any," I heard him mutter and I saw the EMT shake her head in blatant disbelief.

I could empathize with her, having seen Halo's eyes dozens of time. They were yellow, orange and gold, each color swirling about an almond-shaped pupil. Halo always wore sunglasses to hide their inhumanness; of course I didn't have any room to throw stones when it came to humanity, but I still wished he wouldn't cover them.

"Mister Spencer-"

"Look, I'm not wearing contacts," Halo snapped. "Stop checking me over, you have done your job, just leave me alone now."

"Mister Spencer, I must insist-"

"Leave me alone, I'm fine!"

I deemed his outburst the perfect moment to make myself known to him. I stepped up beside the EMT and laid my hand lightly on her shoulder. "I'll take it from here," I said, flashing my badge and she went to the cab of the ambulance, leaving us alone.

Halo looked up at me as I pulled a handkerchief from my pocket and went about wiping the blood from his face. He really was covered in blood and as I wiped it away, I realized that he didn't have any cuts or injuries at all which meant that none of the blood was his.

"Pend," He leaned into me, putting his hands in the center of my chest and I grabbed his wrists, pushing him upright.

"Tell me what has happened." I order him.

Halo's hands fisted on my shirt. "Hold me,"

I shook my head. "Not now, Halo." I said. "Tell me what has happened; tell me why you're covered in blood."

His face started to crumble and he reached for me again. "Please,"

"I can't Halo," I touched his face lightly, my skin soaking up the sudden tears that had begun to fall. "Tell me," I said again.

Halo let his head fall back. "Pend I-"

"Mister Spencer, we're ready to take your statement, if you'd come down to the precinct with me." A uniformed officer was suddenly beside us, hand resting on the butt of his gun. I was surprised they were only treating Halo like a witness and not a suspect with the amount of blood that covered him.

Halo looked up, tears hanging from his long lashes. "I..." It was a rarity that the young man ran out of things to say and he looked to me, silently asking me to speak for him.

"I'm Special Agent Pendergast," I said, extending my hand to the officer. "As you can see, Mister Spencer is very shaken up. Is there any way that he can give his statement tomorrow?"

The cop looked up at me as if assessing my worth. "Agent Pendergast-"

I knew he was about to argue some point and I handed him a business card. "No, officer, I'm taking him elsewhere and you can call me tomorrow with a time to meet."

I took Halo by the arm and led him the Rolls Royce that was idling at the curb. I ushered the younger man into the backseat, sliding in next to him and closing the door.

"Proctor," I said to my driver. "Take us to the Riverside address."

"Yes sir. Is he alright?" He asked.

I looked at Halo; he wasn't buckled in and I reached around him to secure the seatbelt. He didn't look at me; he only gazed out the tinted window with silent tears falling down his face. I reached out and wiped the tears away and he still didn't look at me, he just curled up in his seat, bringing his knees to his chest and hiding his face against them.

"Just drive Proctor," I said softly.

"Yes sir."

I had to help Halo from the car; he was so exhausted, leaning heavily against me. I kept my arm around his shoulders, holding him to me like he had asked me to.

"You're going to stare here Halo, until we get things sorted out." I told him. "Would you like to take a shower?"

He nodded silently and I led him into the mansion. I didn't see Constance, my ward, lurking around anywhere. It was a little odd; she normally met me at the door. I paid her absence no mind, leading Halo to the master bathroom. He stopped in the doorway, looking around in confusion.

"Do you know where you are? This is my real home Halo, this is my sanctuary." I told him. I had never taken him to this address before, I usually took him to the Dakota apartment; he liked the waterfall there, he said it was soothing.

He nodded absently and began to undress right there in front of me. I watched, wondering if I should leave him alone or if he would rather I stay, I wondered if he even knew what he wanted. When my parents had died, I had had no idea what was even happening around me for several days.

The decision was made for me as Halo got tangled in his shirt when he started to pull in it over his head. He made frustrated sounds, growling and cursing under his breath and I moved forward, untangling him and tossing the shirt to the ground. The blood had soaked through his shirt and now stained his skin, turning his normally honey-like complexion to some odd shade of sickly green. His jeans followed the shirt along with his socks and boxers; I left them there on the floor. The clothes were ruined anyway, there wasn't even a slight hope of cleaning them, but then I recognized the shirt. I knew it wasn't Halo's and I decided I would wash them anyway.

Halo flicked his hand at the bathtub and it didn't surprise me when it suddenly filled with water. Halo was a wizard, adept in magic and all things preternatural; he had only hid his powers when he'd worked with the FBI before he'd failed a mandatory drug test.

He climbed into the tub and after I had set out a towel for him, I sat on the toilet lid, watching him sit there unmoving in the tub. I stayed like that for what seemed an eternity, just watching him stare at the wall and the water.

"Halo," I finally said. "Do you want me to get you anything?"

He shook his head and in that motion I saw the tears that had begun to fall again. Lord, what had happened to cause his behavior? Halo Spencer was one of the happiest people I had ever met, always in a good mood and always joking around. He was rarely ever in a bad mood, rarely ever silent and lost in his thoughts.

I knelt by the tub, touching my hand to his hair, smoothing it away from his forehead. I turned away for a moment, grabbing a cup from under the sink; I filled in with water from the bath and started to bathe Halo. He sat there silently, letting me clean the dried blood from his skin. When he was completely clean, I helped him dry off, wrapping him in the towel while I used the blow-dryer on his hair.

Finally clean of blood and now completely dried off, I wrapped him in the towel and led him into my bedroom. I tucked him into my bed, pulling the topmost cover to his shoulder, making sure he was warm and comfortable. He started to doze off almost instantly and I sat beside him for a moment and it finally struck me what was wrong.

"Halo," I whispered. "Where's Ryan?"


	2. Chapter 2

**DICLAIMER- Pendergast, Proctor and Constance belong to Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child. Halo Spencer, Ryan Elmasy and the plot belong to me. -Gadget**

**Chapter 2 Pendergast's POV**

Halo didn't answer me and I sat there for the entire night until Constance came into my room looking for me. She was wearing her usual cream-colored dress and the light shade made her long hair seem even darker and her skin seem even paler. She looked to be around Halo's age, but in truth she was actually much older than me. She had been an experiment of my great-grand-uncle; he had extended his life and her own but as far as I knew, neither of them were immortal. After all, Uncle Antoine had been murdered and that was why Constance now lived as my ward.

"Aloysius," She began but stopped when she saw that I wasn't alone.

"Just speak softly," I whispered to her.

"Who is that with you?" She asked, coming closer to stand beside me.

"His name is Halo Spencer; he's a... friend of mine." I told her. "Something tragic has happened to him Constance; I need you to help me look after him."

She nodded and reached out to smooth Halo's hair down like I had been doing for most the night. "What happened to him?" She asked.

"I don't know." And it was the truth although I did suspect that something had happened to Ryan, Halo's longtime lover, otherwise the young man would be here as well. "He has not spoken to me yet, I'm sure he's in shock."

Constance made that sympathetic sound that only women and girls can make, her eyes softening as she looked at Halo. "What can I do?" She asked.

I hadn't managed to get any of Halo's things before I'd left his house, simply wanting to get him out of that environment as quickly as I could. "Would you try to find him something to wear? I'm afraid his clothes were ruined."

She nodded and left me alone with Halo, who slept unaware of anything that had transpired. I watched him for a moment more as the sun began to shine through my window and then I stretched out beside him, needing, at the very least, to rest my eyes.

I felt movement beside me, frantic movement. Almost like someone was tangled up in something and trying desperately to free themselves. I opened my eyes, slowly becoming aware and remembering the night before.

I turned over, finding that Halo was struggling beneath the covers, and he was struggling violently, literally fighting with the blanket.

"Halo," I said, pulling him free. "Halo, it's okay. It's okay, you're safe now."

"Oh god...oh god." He was saying over and over and I wrapped my arms carefully around him. "Pend? Where am I?"

I smoothed my hands over his face and hair; letting them trail down the rub his back in a comforting manner. "You don't remember?"

He stared at me blankly. "I...oh god Pend... Ryan... Ryan's...he's..." He didn't finish whatever he was trying to say; instead he broke down and started crying silently.

Constance picked that moment to knock gently on the door, but she didn't wait for my permission to enter, she just pushed the door open. She held a small bundle in her hands and I knew it was the clothes I had sent her after before I had fallen asleep. Halo went completely rigid at the sight of her and she stopped in her tracks, holding the bundle protectively over her chest.

"Hello," She said to him softly.

Halo clutched his hands in my shirt, trying to hide from her. "It's alright Halo." I told him, caressing his spine comfortingly. "This is my ward, Constance Greene."

Halo licked his lips, wetting them so he could speak. "Hiya," He said, his voice rasping over the word.

Constance blushed and I abruptly remembered that Halo was nude under the sheet that barely covered him at this moment. I tried to shift the blankets while he and Constance were looking elsewhere, but Constance noticed the movement of my hands and then so did Halo and they both turned dark shades of red.

"I'll just leave these here for you Mr. Spencer," She murmured, laying the clothes on my dresser. "Aloysius," She turned quickly and left.

Halo began to edge away and I let him, getting up and grabbing the clothes for him. "You can wear these until I can replace your clothes."

He took the bundle silently, running his hands over it before he pulled the shirt free. It was black and two sizes too large for his slender frame; he pulled the pants out next. They were loose-looking dress pants and again I was sure they would be too big for him, but I didn't say anything. Halo liked to wear his clothes a little too large; he liked the freedom of movement. I looked at the clothes in his hands and didn't see any underwear or socks, Constance must not have been able to find something in his size.

Halo noticed this too. "We'll go get some of your things later today." I told him, standing. "For now, I'll leave you to dress." I left the room before he could say anything to make me want to stay.

He came down to my sitting room a few moments later, looking young and fragile in the oversized clothes. Constance was drinking tea and she sat the cup down with a clank at the sight of him in the doorway. I arched my eyebrows suddenly realizing that Constance was attracted to him; there was no other explanation for her behavior.

She stood, smoothing down her dress. "Good morning Mr. Spencer. Would you like some tea or something to eat?"

Halo wrapped his arms around his middle, hands holding onto his elbows. "No, no thank you." He murmured and Constance blushed at the sound of his deep voice. People never expected the voice to come from Halo; a sound like the rumble of thunder, but still so soft. He had a voice like velvet, devoid of any accent to give away his birthplace, his voice seemed to crawl over my skin and stay someplace low in my body; someplace warm. It seemed Constance had felt his velvety voice somewhere low as well.

She smiled at him. "I'll leave you with Mr. Spencer, Aloysius." She kissed me lightly on the cheek as she passed.

Halo was silent a little longer. "Aloysius?" He asked finally.

"It's my name," I told him. "Aloysius X.L. Pendergast."

"X.L? Like extra large?" He was trying to put a joking tilt to his voice but he was failing.

I just smiled. "No, just my middle initials. What are yours?"

At this point, I knew Halo craved a sense of normalcy, a sense that nothing had changed and I would give him that feeling if I could.

"My middle name is Edwin." He said; he still hadn't lowered his arms from their protective/defensive position around his stomach.

"Are you sure you're not hungry?"

He shook his head.

"Is that a 'no' Halo"?

He nodded.

"Very well then," I stood crossing to him and putting my hands lightly on his shoulders, massaged them gently. "Halo, I need to take you to the precinct so that you can give your statement to the police."

He nodded and then leaned into me but he didn't try to touch me, he just let me take some of his weight. I led him from the room; he would have to wear his own shoes even though they were still caked in blood.


	3. Chapter 3

**DICLAIMER- Pendergast, Proctor and Constance belong to Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child. Halo Spencer, Ryan Elmasy and the plot belong to me. -Gadget**

**Chapter 3 Halo's POV**

What could they possibly expect me to say? The police knew I hadn't been at my house when Ryan was attached and they knew I hadn't witnessed anything or anyone 'abnormal' in the neighborhood. But they just kept asking the same questions in different ways. But I really couldn't blame the detective and CSI that were questioning me; the CSI was just a kid, maybe a year or two older than me. And the detective looked like he might just be a few hours from his retirement party.

"So Mister Elmasy was your lover?" Detective Gorman asked.

"Yes," I said. He'd asked that question eight times now; fucking hell, it wasn't that weird for two guys to date.

"How long had you lived together?" Ninth time he'd asked that.

"A little over two and half years,"

"How did you meet?" Second time...

It would always be a fond memory, the first night I met Ryan. "We met at a club in upstate New York."

The CSI looked over at Pend, studying him with his dark eyes. "What's your relationship with Mister Spencer and the diseased, Agent Pendergast?"

I hadn't wanted to be left alone with the detective and CSI and I had begged Pend to stay with me. I promised I would make it up to him as long as he didn't leave me alone. He had agreed with barely any reluctance.

"Spencer is my former partner in the Bureau and my friend." He told the younger man. "Ryan Elmasy, as his lover, was simply my friend."

"Was there ever anything between you? Something other than a work relationship?" The detective asked; the first time he'd covered that topic.

I have to hand it to Pend; he didn't so much as blink. The truth was that for a small time we had been lovers, and every now and then when I was dating Ryan, I had gone to Pend for a night of fun. And before you criticize me, Ryan knew what Pend and I were doing. But it would always remain a secret between the three of us.

"No."

Both men wrote that down in their notebooks.

"Tell me the events of your day before your found Mister Elmasy." The detective said.

This was the question I had been dreading even though I knew it would come up eventually. I ran my hand through my hair, suddenly wanting to cut it all off but Ryan had loved its length and I couldn't destroy something he had loved. It seemed almost sacrilegious to do so.

"Mister Spencer..." Gorman said.

I sighed. "I was buying dope." I said. "Ryan smoked with me sometimes after I got expelled from the FBI last year."

"Where did you buy your marijuana?" The CSI asked.

Pend tapped the table. "That's not what this meeting is about."

"This is about murder, not narcotics kid." Gorman told the CSI. "What made you go into the backyard?"

I shifted in my seat, looking at Pend for support, the agent nodded. I hadn't told him anything, had forced myself to not even think about yesterday. But I knew I had to speak about it now, I couldn't put it off for a moment more if I wanted even a second of peaceful sleep.

"We were gonna smoke and make a snowman," I smiled slightly, thinking about our discussion that morning and making the plans. "I didn't see him when I went inside so I went to the backyard, thinking that maybe he had already started on the snowman. Sometimes he got really impatient..."

I had to stop for a moment, seeing the unfolding events in my mind. I took a few deep breaths, closing my eyes and Pend set his hand lightly on my back. I shook him off, couldn't let the cop and CSI get any ideas about the truth.

"There were footprints in the snow and they were too big for Ryan and they weren't mine. They were bloody...I called to Ryan but he didn't answer me so I ran and then I found him..."

I stopped, letting my hands cover my face because I just couldn't say any more.

"You were there while he bled out, correct?" Gorman asked softly. Imagine that; a cop with a decent heart.

"Yeah," I whispered.

"Anyone suspicious in the neighborhood? Did Mister Elmasy have any enemies that you know of?"

"No, to both." I said, thought about it. "Not that I can remember, Ryan is...was a pretty cool guy."

I was proud of myself for not breaking down but then I remembered that I still had the rest of the day, the night and the rest of my life to go. The rest of my life without Ryan, and I wasn't sure if I could do it.

Pend held the car door open for me when the detective and young CSI got done with us. I slide onto the leather seat until I was pressed up against the opposite door. Pend slid in next to me, pulling the door shut and telling his driver to take us back to Riverside.

I let the silence gather for nearly half an hour before I looked to Pend, found him looking at me. I sighed and reached into my pocket, pulling out a little doll made of burlap and hemp. I held the doll up, watching Pend's face as he studied it.

After a moment, he let his head fall back against the seat. "Why didn't you say anything?" He asked.

"I couldn't."

"They asked if Ryan had any enemies and you said no."

"Ryan doesn't have enemies," I countered. "I do though."

"Didn't have enemies," Pend corrected and I felt the bottom drop out of my stomach.

"Right," I murmured.

"So his murder was a warning to you," It wasn't a question.

"Yeah,"

"I'm sorry for your loss Halo." Pend said gently.

"I want to call my grandmother when we get back."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 Pendergast's POV**

The crime scene tape hadn't come down yet at Halo's house. If it was his plan to still with me a little longer then I needed to get him some of his own clothes and other necessities. Unlike me, Halo didn't care much for name brands or expensive clothes; he insisted I drop him off outside the local Walmart. So I did just that, handing him a handful of fifties and ignoring his promise to pay me back while telling Proctor to park the Rolls. He was only gone for fifteen or so minutes before the door opened and he slid in next to me, setting two bags between his new shoes.

"Did you get everything you needed?" I asked him, tapping Proctor's shoulder to get him to drive back to Riverside.

"Yeah, just enough for three days." He said, leaning back in the leather seat. "Here's your change..."

He handed me a little over seventy dollars which I put back in my wallet. For the rest of the drive we both looked out the window silently, Halo having curled against the door while I folded my hands in my lap.

"Would you still like to call your grandmother?" I asked Halo.

He slipped out of his shoes and heavy winter coat. "Yeah, might as well get it over with..."

I led his to my study; he sat down in one of the many overstuffed chairs, curling into it like some large cat. I handed him the cordless phone and walked away to start a fire in the hearth, the room felt oddly cold to me, Constance must not have ventured into the room yet.

"Hey Grandpa," Halo said into the phone as I listened discretely. "Is Grandmother there? Yeah I'll wait."

I sat down on the carpet in front of the now roaring fire, I suppose I could have asked Halo to use his magic but I really hadn't thought of it before that moment.

"Grandmother, hi, what's up? No...Truthfully things aren't okay here... Grandmother I'm fine... Ryan? That's what I'm calling about... Ryan's dead Grandmother... He was..."

Halo started to sob and I quickly stood, pulling the phone from his shaking hand and pressing it to my ear. I slung my arm across his shoulders, pulling him tight to my side to stop his trembling.

"-Halo? Halo sweetie, speak to me." His grandmother was saying. "Halo?"

"Missus Spencer, this is Aloysius Pendergast, I'm Halo's friend."

"Mister Pendergast, the FBI agent?"

"Yes ma'am," Halo had grown up in a rural area of Washington State and though he'd never had an accent that I could hear, his grandmother did and I could here it clearly through her near hysterical tone.

"He said Ryan was dead! What's going on up there mister Pendergast? Is Halo hurt? Let me talk to him!" She demanded.

I looked at Halo as he tried to meld himself with me stomach. "I'm afraid he's...unable to talk now. Missus Spencer, I'm sorry to tell you that Ryan Elmasy was murdered yesterday and Halo...witnessed the last few moments of his life."

"Oh my lord," She exclaimed breathlessly. "Is Halo hurt? How is he, tell me please."

"He's very shaken up, understandably." Halo's arms wound even more tightly around my middle and I held him to me as best I could with one free hand.

"Let me speak to him, please."

I handed the phone to Halo, feeling him speak and nod against my stomach. A moment later, he hung up the phone, sliding both his arms around me.

"She'll be here in a week but she wants me to stay here..." He muttered.

"Very well, if you want to stay, you can."

"Yeah," He said. "I wanna stay."

"I want to cut my hair," Halo said.

For some he had followed me into the bathroom, wanting to watch while I shaved, he hadn't said why but I had a feeling it had to do with his blood; the Sidhe side of his lineage had left him with very little body hair.

I looked at his reflection in the mirror while I shaved with the straight razor my father had given me for my sixteenth birthday. Halo's dark hair fell to a little past his shoulders and some of the strands curled just under his jaw. I had never seen his hair any other way, never shorter and never longer. He had the same coloring as my late wife Helen and his long hair had always been a type of comfort when I felt myself crumbling under the weight of loneliness.

However, at the same time, Halo's want to cut his hair was an act of self-mutilation on a small scale. I sighed, sometimes it was best to indulge in the lesser evil just incase Halo decided to hurt or damage himself in some way.

"How short would you like to cut it?" I asked.

Halo pushed his fingers through his curls, and then took off his sunglasses to do it again more easily without catching on the earpieces. He usually never wore the sunglasses around me but he'd wanted to today.

"I don't know," He said finally, looking at me. "How about as short as yours?"

I looked in the mirror taking in the site of my close-cut white-blonde hair. I'd never let Halo cut his like mine. "I'll cut it for you if I can choose the length."

"Deal," He said.

I finished shaving, trying to ignore Halo's watching eyes. Then I realized he had never seen someone shave with a straight razor, I knew he and Ryan had both used those inaccurate safety razors. My heart grew heavy at the thought of Ryan Elmasy; dead only forty-eight hours and Halo seemed merely moodier than usual. It worried me, circumstances called for a different reaction but at the same time I knew everyone reacted to death and grief differently and Halo was no different. I was only bothered that he kept it all inside but then I remembered I had done exactly the same with my parent's and Helen's death.

I washed the excess shaving cream from my face, splashed on some aftershave and reached under the sink for a pair of scissors and a comb. I handed the comb to him. "Wet and brush your hair for me," I told him and he dunked his head under the faucet and turned it on, thoroughly drenching his hair.

Halo couldn't get all the knots out of his hair on his own so I grabbed the comb and proceeded to do the job myself. The act of touching another person's hair is a very intimate one, an act that usually only parents and lovers show each other. It didn't feel all that appropriate, given the situation, to be touching his hair. But he was silent the entire time, watching me in the mirror as the scissors trimmed away glossy black curls, leaving its final length a little under his jaw. It took a little over half an hour to get it to a style he liked; nice and neat but trimmed in such a way that it looked messy.

Halo dried his hair with a towel while I swept up all that I had cut off. "Thank you," He said. "I did know you knew how to cut hair."

I offered up a shrug. "It's not difficult to learn..."

"Uhuh," He looked in the mirror and frowned.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh... nothing." He muttered. "I'm gonna go to bed now."

I looked up at the clock. "Halo, it's only seven-thirty and you haven't eaten yet."

He shrugged, tossed the towel in the clothes hamper. "I'm not hungry, just tired."

I sighed. "Very well, I'll take you to the guest room."

His hand hovered over the light switch. "Guest room?"

I nodded.

"Pend," He clutched my arm tight enough to hurt. "Let me sleep with you, please. I don't... I don't want to be alone so soon."

I pulled my arm free. "I don't think that's-"

"Please." His tone melted my heart to a small puddle at my feet.

"Very well."

While Halo slept curled up in my bed, I nursed a cup of green tea and waited for my friend, FBI Special Agent Mike Decker to answer his private phone. It took four or five rings before he finally picked up.

"Special Agent Michael Decker speaking."

"Good evening Mike," I said, smiling.

"Pendergast! How've you been you old dog?"

"I'm quite well, thank you, but I'm afraid this isn't a social call."

A moment of silence. "What's up?"

Straight to the point, I admired agents like him. "Do you recall an agent by the name of Halo Spencer?"

"The young guy that always wore Aviators?" He asked. "Yeah I remember him. Got busted for possession right?"

"Yes sir, that's him."

"Well, what's up with the kid?" He asked. Mike had been my superior a few years ago and when Halo had joined the Bureau, he had made us temporary partners.

"Yesterday his... housemate was murdered in a ritualistic fashion. Spencer has reason to believe it was done by someone you're familiar with."

Decker was silent. "A serial killer?" He finally asked.

"He believes so," I told him; turning the doll Halo had given me over in my hands. "We have reason to believe it was Trenton O'Malley."

The agent sucked in his breath sharply. "Shit."

"Yes," Though I wholly agreed with him I had rarely used vulgarity to express myself.

"Pendergast," He sighed. "I don't know what you want me to do. You know, given your history with Spencer, that I can't let you work this case. It's a conflict of interest."

"That's not what I'm asking for Mike. I simply want _you_ to look into it. I think Spencer may have been the next, if not the original target."

"Shit. That bastard left behind one of those fucking dolls." It wasn't a question. The little hemp and burlap dolls were O'Malley's way of announcing that his victim had been 'special' to him.

"He did." I said. "We can't put Spencer under Federal watch, O'Malley would know if we did and, of course, Spencer would refuse."

"What are his plans?" Decker asked.

"He has family coming for him in a few days then he'll be leaving to the coast. After that, I don't know."

"Okay then Pendergast." Decker exhaled. "I'll look into this for you. Goodnight."

"Thank you sir and goodnight to you as well." I said but he had already hung up.

I drank another cup, said goodnight to Constance and went to my room. I stopped after closing my door, my eyes adjusting to the light and watching the dark haired lump barely visible in my bed. I licked my lips, feeling my body temperature spike as I neared that covered lump. I undressed as I went, letting my tie drop to the floor and then my shirt followed it.

"Oh Helen," I whispered, throwing my belt onto the steadily growing pile.

The lump didn't move even as I crawled onto the bed and then stretched out atop it. I pulled the duvet away slightly and, propping myself up on my hands and knees, I began to kiss the back of a very warm neck. I groaned softly, pressing my teeth down until I felt the skin yield to me. I smoothed the bite over with my lips and tongue but the shape of a person beneath me didn't move.

"Are you awake?" I asked gently.

I didn't receive an answer, not that I expected one. I nibbled on the lump's earlobe; still no response and it was starting to frustrate me. Helen had never shown me this much indifference before. I pulled the top sheet all the way down to the hips, exposing the honey-like skin tone of a completely bare back. Kissing and licking my way down the spine, I slipped into the bed completely until I felt my hips push against something firm but malleable.

"Helen," I whispered.

The form underneath me bucked backward and I pushed against the motion, letting my body absorb the mock-thrust. I chuckled, pushing my hips forward to get the form to buck me again. "Is that how you want to play dear?" I whispered.

"Mmmm," Was my only reply.

"Very well then dearest,"

I kissed, licked and bit along the expanse of bare skin, stopping just a t the base of the spine. I slipped back up the form, burying my face into the soft and supple skin of the neck, feeling the beat of the pulse. I attacked the pulse with my teeth, slipping my hands to the form's hips and pulling them back against me tightly. The form twisted, catching my mouth in a fevered kiss; I pulled it upright onto its knees to return that hungered kiss. I growled low in my throat as a small hand wound its way into my hair and cupped the back of my skull. I shoved my tongue into the very responsive mouth, sliding my hands down to slender hips and slowly edging off a pair of loose pajama pants. The pants nearly off, I suddenly felt a hardness that rivaled my own and I broke the savage kiss in surprise.

"What?" It wasn't Helen's supple body I was fondling or even her deep dark eyes looking into mine. It was Halo I was pressed so hungrily against, not my late wife and I abruptly realized his ulterior motive to sleeping in my bed. He wanted to bewitch me.

"Don't stop now," He begged, grabbing my hands and I jerked them away.

Halo snagged my hand again; placing it over the tip of his erection and making my fingers stroke him. "Please, Pend," He said.

"Stop Halo," I jerked my hand back and pushed him away from me, face-first onto the mattress.

"Yes...Pend..."

I moved away completely, getting off the bed and throwing on my discarded clothes in a fit of anger. Halo looked up at me, his three-ring colored eyes wide and wet with lust; the pajama pants I had been trying to edge of showed most of his pelvic bone and buttocks. The way he was sprawled out amidst the sheets called to my mind the hundreds of nights I had awakened with Helen. They were very much alike and I noticed it now as I had uncountable times before; the same hair color and texture, the same slight build although Helen had been taller. And the same year-long tan that boarded between soft copper and rich honey. The only difference, other than the obvious, was the structure of Halo's face; the more masculine lines beside the more androgynous features. However, try as he might, and as much as I wanted it to be, he was not Helen.

"Enough Halo, your spell isn't working." I said.

The lustful expression faded into blankness. "Pend?"

I shot him a look meant to freeze blood; he pulled his pajamas back in to order and then sat facing me. I crossed my arms over my chest in a threatening manner. "Care to explain yourself Halo?"

He shook his head, folding his hands in his lap.

"Halo," I began.

"Look, I'm sorry." He murmured and grabbing one of the sheets, he wrapped it around himself and ran out the door.

"Halo!"


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5 Halo's POV**

"_My hands are searching for you. My arms are outstretched towards you, I feel you on my fingertips, my tongue dances behind my lips for you. This fire rising through my being, burning I'm not used to seeing you. I'm alive, I'm alive. I can feel you all around me, thickening the air I'm breathing. Holding on to what I'm feeling savoring this heart that's healing."_ **Flyleaf: 'All Around Me.'**

"Stupid, stupid, fucking stupid!" I pulled the sheet tighter around my shoulders, cringing every time my feet struck the cold wooden floor. It was the middle of January and it felt like Pend rarely ever turned on the heat. I sat on the top stair, leaning heavily against the banister. I was so fucking stupid. I knew Pend would see through my Sidhe glamour eventually but I had used the magic anyway. Fucking hell, I was so fucking stupid!

It would be a miracle if he ever spoke to me again after this. I was only half Sidhe but I knew I had enough glamour to make Pend see his wife instead of me; it was just my luck that it had worn off before I'd gotten what I wanted. Sex with Pend; a moment of pleasure to even out the pain of Ryan's murder. A seven percent solution as Sherlock Holmes had called it, I wasn't sure what percentage I would have gotten had my plan worked. Seven seemed, to me, too grand a number.

I let my full weight fall against the banister, running my fingers through my hair repeatedly. "Damn it Ryan," I could only whisper it, sliding my arms around my knees protectively.

_"Wake up lover," Someone was shaking my shoulder. "You're squishing me." More shaking but this time it was more urgent. "Come on, I'm loosing circulation! Halo get up!"_

_I rolled to the left, pulling the thick blanket with me and over my head, hiding from the light of the room._

_"Goddamn it Halo." Frantic pushing on my lower back. "Don't just go back to sleep! Get up you minx!"_

_I kicked my foot backwards, felt it connect with the hard muscle of his shin._

_"Son of a bitch! Alright, you're so gonna get it now!" The blankets were completely stripped away, leaving me curled on my side in only a large T-shirt and my boxers. I tried to bury my face into the pillow but it was take away too and then I felt two large hands grab onto my ankles and pull sharply. My own hands shot out and latched onto the headboard; the hands on my ankles moved to my calves and tightened painfully._

_"Let me go!" I gnashed my teeth, looking back without opening my eyes. "I wanna sleep!" _

_"I don't care. It's after noon, you've slept long enough. Now, come on!" More tugging and the hands let go; I relaxed. Then, suddenly, the hands grabbed me around the middle and lifted me bodily from the bed, tossing me over a wide shoulder._

_"Hey! Put me down!" I yelled, squirming wildly._

_One hand slapped my ass playfully. "Oh, I will...Eventually."_

_"Damn it Ryan!"_

_He just laughed. "You should have gotten up when I asked." _

I wiped at my eyes, I didn't want the tears visible even though there was no one there to see them. I hated to cry and my Grandmother had told me that I'd rarely cried when I was a child, not even when I was hurt. She and Grandpa had worried that I kept everything bottled inside so for my tenth birthday the bought me a trumpet and I had put every emotion into the songs I learned and the ones I made up. I would have to get it from my house before I left for the West Coast.

"Mister Spencer, are you alright?"

I turned slightly and saw Pend's ward, Constance, in a long robe and holding a candle a few feet away from where I sat. She looked at me sheepishly.

"I thought I heard someone crying..." Her voice trailed off.

I tried not to wipe my eyes again but it's an automatic response when someone says they've heard you. Constance handed me a tissue from the robe's pocket.

"Thank you," I murmured without looking at her, something about her, something I couldn't really put my finger on made me feel weird around her.

"Are you hurt in some way Mister Spence?" She asked and sat beside me, folding the length of her robe beneath her daintily.

"Not physically,"

"But you hurt emotionally?"

I nodded. "Yeah,"

"I'm sorry for your pain." She laid her hand on my shoulder and I deftly shrugged it off as that odd feeling started to get more powerful.

"Never apologize for something you have no control over, especially when you don't know how someone will react to your pitying them." I said acidly.

She was silent, which was the normal response, and it was why I had said it. Constance sat quietly for several minutes until she turned to me, blatant curiosity spread across her features. "Why did Aloysius bring you here yesterday?" She asked as politely as she could but it still lacked tact.

I wet my lips, knowing the truth was the best way to go. I could tell she was the type of person that valued the truth no matter how hurtful it could be; she was the type of person that wouldn't think any differently of me just because I was gay. I liked people like that; they were worldly souls like my Grandmother.

"My lover was murdered. Pend and I are certain that a serial killer was responsible for his death." I said.

"Your lover was a man?" She asked and she only sounded surprised and it made me happy to have judged her character correctly.

"His name was Ryan Elmasy." I told her. "We were in love."

"I'm sorry for you loss Mister Spencer, I do know quite how you feel."

Nobody knew how I felt. No-one but me knew what it was like to love Ryan and be loved by him, no-one knew what my heaven had been like and I would never know what it was like ever again. Those pearly gates were closed to me forever. I looked up at Constance to tell her just that, it was actually the first time I had really looked at her since Pend had introduced us. The candle she held illuminated her face, and the light reflected off eyes that were purple. Not dark blue or that black-ish green color but purple and they had a... a weight to them I couldn't find a name for. Old, somehow ancient; somehow they seemed to look into my soul.

I suddenly forgot what I wanted to say and when I found my voice again, I knew it was different. "Thank you for the kind words," I said softly, tearing my gaze from hers before I got lost in it; I stood. "I'm going back to bed now..."

"Goodnight Mister Spencer, sleep well." She smiled at me but I had already turned around, heading to Pend's room. I wondered how she felt about that, wondered if Pend even knew she worshipped the ground he walked on. Probably not, he really could be oblivious sometimes.

Pend sat on the edge of his bed, his hair mussed from where I'd run my fingers through it. His expression was meant to appear open and honest but he only looked tired to me.

"Halo," He began softly.

I held up my hand to stop him. "I didn't mean to hurt you or to make you angry with me Pend. I just... I just wanted to feel loved and needed. I know I shouldn't have used magic and I shouldn't have cast glamour on you. I'm so sorry Pend but you don't have to forgive me if you don't think I'm worthy of it."

I tensed, waiting for the outburst of righteous anger or even Pend voicing his disappointment. I didn't deserve his forgiveness. If I had been in his shoes at that moment, I knew I wouldn't forgive my actions.

He sighed, stood before me with his hands on my shoulders. "I forgive you Halo and I understand why, however-"

I clutched at his wrists. "I won't ever do that to you or to anyone else ever again. I swear it."


	6. Chapter 6

**DICLAIMER- Pendergast, Proctor and Constance belong to Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child. Halo Spencer, Ryan Elmasy and the plot belong to me. -Gadget**

**Chapter 6 Pendergast's POV**

After Halo asked for my forgiveness, he stopped speaking all together; he refused to even eat. Nothing that I or Constance said to him, nothing we offered him, could get Halo to even acknowledge our presence. He was like that for forty-eight hours straight, I just left him alone as Constance and I went about our normal business. Halo would sit in my study, looking through the books without really reading them or he would go outside and spend his daylight hours making snowmen and then destroying them when he was done. As a result, my side lawn looked like a minefield thanks his efforts. I could only wonder what was going through his head, what emotion (for there were many that death awakened in a person) was eating at his heart in those hours he spent out in the snow.

"Will he be alright Aloysius?" Constance said, it had become a familiar question over the past two days.

"In due time I'm sure," It was the same answer I had given her every time but it was all I could tell her. In truth, I wasn't sure if Halo would ever be the same as he had been less than a week ago.

"He seems so...melancholy, heartbroken."

"Halo's heart is broken Constance." I told her. "I have never seen Halo as happy and carefree as he was with Mister Elmasy."

Constance sipped at a cup of green tea, looking out the window as the young man demolished another pile of snow. The expression on her face saddened me and I knew she did see him as she first had. He wasn't a love-interest for her anymore; he was an experiment, an interest of another kind. He was something for her to study, to examine and record the outcome of his actions. If only I had rescued her from Uncle Antoine sooner but I couldn't change the past and my Uncle's murder had not been by my hand.

"He feels helpless..."

An observation a child could have noticed, I was sure, but it was true nonetheless.

"Aloysius, I... There has to be something we can do for him." She said, turning to me, her eyes large and moist with both tears unshed and the ones she had already cried. She was so taken with Halo's story, with his love for a man she would never meet; she felt Halo's pain as if it were her own.

I moved to stand beside her, to look out the window as she was; for the moment I needed to see Halo with my own eyes. He was only a few yards from us, kneeling in the snow. His face was pale and he wasn't wearing any gloves, of course his main magic was that of fire and he had no real need of gloves to keep his hands warm.

"We give him space and comfort when he needs it, until then, it would be wise to leave him alone." It pained me to say those words because I wanted to do exactly the opposite, I wanted to kneel in the snow beside Halo and get him to speak to me. It was dangerous to hold what I knew he was feeling inside, it would eat at him until there was nothing left to feed on. After Helen's death, if it hadn't been for my family's curse, I would never have been able to give shape to the feelings that had taken over me. However, that curse was something I couldn't share with Halo; something I would never be able to share with him.

Constance looked up at me. "I don't think I could do that," She murmured. "His helplessness makes me feel useless, not just as a person but as a woman too. My instincts tell me to hug him and to promise that everything will be better but my mind cautions me against such and action."

"Listen to your mind Constance," I said, perhaps a little harshly.

She turned confused eyes to me. "I worry for him Aloysius, even though I've only just met him, I want to take his pain away."

The phone started to ring, perhaps saving me from the beginning of an argument but I paused to voice my opinion to her. "He's not an orphan child or some stray pet Constance. The best we can do for Halo is to be nearby when he needs us."

I didn't put on a coat before I went outside to get Halo. I wished I had, it was colder than I'd thought it would be. I hated it; I much preferred the weather of my home in New Orleans. Halo was different; he liked the rain and the snow. When he went back to the West Coast, maybe he would be better then; or maybe that was just a hope I couldn't shake loose.

Halo hadn't moved from where Constance and I watched him from the window, he still knelt in the snow. He wasn't doing anything as far as I could tell; he just had his hands hanging limply between his knees. But as I neared, I saw what he had made.

It was an angel, and not the kind where you laid spread-eagled on the ground and wiggled. It was small but still life-like with detailed wings and an expression of peace. There was no mistaking the angel for who it was supposed to represent and it surprised me for more than one reason. Halo was a wizard and half-Sidhe (one of the Fey Folk) and I knew he didn't believe in god and angels or in heaven and hell. That he had chosen an angel to represent his sorrow was baffling.

"Halo," I said but he didn't stir. "Halo, the police have called, your house has been cleared and I'll take you there as soon as you'd like to leave."

His ungloved hand passed over the angel and it disappeared in a spark of flame. I winced, the angel had been beautiful; he stood and walked past me, hanging his head. I sighed and followed him back inside.

The house Halo had lived in with Ryan Elmasy was at the top of a hill on Davis Road; there were only three other houses. His house looked vaguely like a cabin in its design, it had a large front porch with a few chairs scattered around and I could see the large wooden fence that held the backyard from view. There were still pieces of tape clinging to various sections of that fence and other random objects.

"Do you want me to wait in the car for you?" I asked as Proctor parked in the driveway.

Halo shook his head, grabbing my hand and pulling me from the Rolls with him. I followed the younger man into the house, looking at each of his possessions. A worn sofa, an average sized TV, a couple of chairs and bookshelves next to a large stereo. I had been to Halo's house only twice before and ever since Ryan had moved in; it became homier, more lived in. Halo had always had plenty of things and money but Ryan was the one with the style. It looked like he had been the one to furnish their home.

Halo bypassed the living room and kitchen, going straight to his bedroom. I found that I didn't want to follow him into the room he'd shared with his lover but his two-day silence had me wanting to watch his every move. I had to convince myself that he was safe.

Halo stood next to an unmade bed with pale blue sheets and a darker blue comforter. The look on his now tear stained face was one of pure anguish but I couldn't step any closer than my position just outside the door; it was his own internal battle to fight.

Finally he knelt and pulled a worn backpack from beneath the bed and began throwing random things into it. Before he moved to pack his clothes, a picture of he and Ryan together caught his attention and he stopped; staring at the photo.

"Oh god... Pend what am I going to do without him?" He asked me and his normally deep voice was a near whine in the silence of the house.

I was silent; there was nothing I could tell him. What could one do when a loved one passed but go on with their life?

Halo swallowed so hard that I heard it clear across the room and then he looked up at me. "What... What did you do when Helen...?"

"When Helen died?" I finished for him. She was to me all that Ryan had been to Halo. Sun, earth and moon; lover, companion and everything I ever needed. "I felt, at first, like the world was ending. I felt like that for a very long time Halo, a very long time. I couldn't let those feelings control me; I had to move on with my life, because it was what Helen would have wanted me to do. I'm sure that Ryan wants you to be happy and to move on with your life, but not to forget him. Never to forget him, Halo, but to let him live on through you."

He nodded when I finished. "I know of this wizard in Europe," He said, easily changing the topic to one a little gentler on the nerves. "His name's Dumbledore; I'm going to write him and see if he'll take me in, give me a job maybe. He's supposed to be the greatest wizard in the world and... I should be with my own kind."

I wondered why he didn't just find the Sidhe, his real 'kind'. Halo sighed and moved to his closet to pack some of his clothes. I noticed more tears on his face as he gently touched the sleeve of one of Ryan's shirts. He let those tears fall silently.


	7. Chapter 7

**DICLAIMER- Pendergast, Proctor and Constance belong to Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child. Halo Spencer, Ryan Elmasy and the plot belong to me. -Gadget**

**CHAPTER 7 Halo's POV**

The way a typical wizard sent letters was by owl, I may have been raised mostly as a Muggle, but I knew more about wizards than most people. Within twenty-four hours I had a reply from Dumbledore telling me that I was welcome to come to Hogwarts when school started again in September. It surprised me that I'd gotten an assistant's job without having to give the wizard a lot of information about myself or the reason for my wanting to come to Europe. I decided to leave the first of August once everything was in order.

Ryan's funeral was on Sunday; my Grandmother was staying with me at Pend's for a few more days before I went back to Seattle. Ryan's father had never approved of me and I didn't think bringing the FBI agent for emotional support was such a good idea. That was why Grandmother would be with me instead.

When we picked her up at the airport, she crushed the both of us with hugs. She told Pend that she was so grateful that I had a friend like him; willing to take me in and under his wing as it was. Of course, she knew we had dated off and on for a year, but after a while we had started to annoy each other after too long in the same room. That was when I had met Ryan at the club where he tended the bars. The rest, as they say, is history; we became lovers, fell in love with each other and then moved in together. And all that was over with now, my first and only love, gone in a matter of minutes.

Pend still hadn't talked me into sleeping in the guestroom. Not that it mattered, Grandmother was sleeping there anyway. She couldn't hear anything we said or did in Pend's room; the walls were very thick because of the mansion's age. It was a good thing too because I begging Pend to fuck me. Currently his knees were to either side of my hips while he pinned my wrists to the mattress.

"No," He told me again.

I tried to twist sinuously beneath him but I wasn't strong enough, and right at that moment, I didn't want to hurt him with Sidhe strength. "Please, Pend, please."

The blonde man's hands tightened. "_No_,"

"Please,"

"No,"

"I hate you," I whispered weakly, barely audible.

"I hate me, too." He said.

I tried to buck him off me but I only succeeded in lifting him a few inches. I was so frustrated with him and the emotional turmoil that had begun to constantly gnaw at me since I had packed my things. I needed to drown out that pain, the one_ inside_ me and I really didn't what replaced it. I wanted pleasure but I wanted physical pain. I wanted Pend to fuck me senseless but I wanted him to hit me again and again until I was begging him to stop through bloody lips. I wanted pain, I craved pleasure and maybe I could convince Pend to give me both.

I licked my lips. "Hit me,"

"What?" He asked with sincere surprise.

"Hit me," I repeated. "Beat me Pend, make me bleed."

"Absolutely not Halo," He told me and I felt the tensing of his muscles as he prepared for my next move, whatever it might be.

I growled my disappointment at him. "Then fuck me!"

"No, you don't want that."

"Fuck you Pend," I hissed at him. "Either fuck me or beat the hell out of me, I don't care just pick one. Just..."

I couldn't seem to explain my needs to him; couldn't voice the need to replace the emotional pain with something real and tangible. Surely he would understand, but I still couldn't voice exactly what I wanted.

"Pend, just do something. Please Pend, please." I stroked his fingers where they touched mine but he held my wrists so tightly that the small movement was all my hands could manage.

He lowered his head to my neck and I felt his warm breath wafting over my skin. I heard him inhale my scent and then he let go of me, re-arranging my arms so that he could hold both my wrists in one hand. The other, his left hand, turned my head to the side and I thought I heard a low rumble escape form his chest. It sounded like the some kind of contented beast, almost like a purr and I felt my heart pick up speed as I anticipated what he would do next.

Pend's teeth had never actually _looked_ sharp to me but I knew that they _were _very sharp, like little razors. I knew because his mouth was latched to my neck just were it met my jaw. He didn't chew the flesh or even gnaw on me but he closed his mouth with his teeth still in me, bringing his jaws together. It was the way I liked to be bitten, never mind foreplay and caresses (at least when Pend was involved) just bite me. Draw my blood and leave me with teeth-mark bruises in the morning. But it was still a low-level-dose of excitement and pleasure compared to what Ryan had done for me and only a 2 on my pleasure scale.

Suddenly, Pend's weight above me and the sharp edge of his experienced biting weren't doing it for me anymore. I had Ryan moving around in my head, bringing old memories of us to the forefront of my mind. I saw his face, his milky skin, soft and nearly shorn ginger hair, and his eyes. Their green-blue color had seemed so human, not like Pend's and nothing like mine.

Pend relaxed in the last few moments and he'd moved low enough to leave another of his marks on my shoulder. It put his center of gravity just low enough to give me the upper hand. My wrists slipped free of his hand and before he could act; I had pushed him onto his back and sat across his stomach. Pend looked up at me, his silvery eyes reflecting the dim light of the room. His expression hardened and instinct flashed through me. I knew in that second just how dangerous Pend really was, that enough with my magic I would never be able to draw-down on him and survive. Not unless he wanted me to, but I knew he would never draw-down unless he was certain he would walk away the victor.

Terrified, I slid away from him and silently left the room.

Grandmother was used to me crawling into her bed at ungodly hours. She had been ever since I was a child and had dreamt of monsters. This time I didn't crawl into the bed rather than just sat on the edge near her feet, shaking one leg to wake her.

"Halo?" She mumbled, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "Can't you sleep honey?"

I took mostly after my Grandmother; she was about as tall as me (which really isn't all that tall) but her once glossy black hair was steadily turning grey and her eyes were a beautiful dark blue. I had Grandpa's skin tone, my mother's build and my father's Sidhe eyes. Grandmother said I had the best of each of my family members.

"No," I told her and thought of a quick lie. "Pend's in one of his moods again."

Pend's moods, yeah, that was one way to put it. At times it seemed like he was a completely different person, or more like something set loose from a cage. He became both needy and distant, sometimes staring off into nothingness while other times pacing restlessly. And still, other times, writing furiously in his journal or playing something mournful and heartbreaking on the Grand Piano. Those moods were what had ended us, I was still attracted to him but the mood-shifts drove me batshit.

"I'm sorry Halo," Grandmother said. "I know you're feeling lonely..."

I snorted, 'feeling lonely', understatement of the millennia. Pend had always been able to satisfy me but he wasn't Ryan. Not amount of pleasure could ever equal the love I had shared with him; nothing would ever come close to the sacred place I now locked within my heart. I wondered, if it weren't for Ryan's murder, if my presence at Pend's home was just another of my impromptu visits, if the older man would have done what I'd begged him to do. There was no way to know for sure.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized maybe he wouldn't. Pend had never taken me anywhere other than his Dakota apartment; I hadn't even known he had other addresses. A man like Pend though, I guess I should have suspected.

"Honey, you okay?" Grandmother asked.

"What?"

She touched my hair and stroked my cheek in that motherly way. "You'll be okay honey, I promise you."

The tears started to fall again and Grandmother wrapped me in her arms. She sang to me the same lullaby she'd sung to me when I was a child; it had the same calming effect it had had then.


	8. Chapter 8

**DICLAIMER- Pendergast, Proctor and Constance belong to Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child. Halo Spencer, Ryan Elmasy and the plot belong to me. -Gadget**

**CHAPTER 8 Halo's POV**

"_Take my hand; I give it to you, now you owe me all I am. You said you would never leave me. I believe you, I believe. I can feel you all around me, thickening the air I'm breathing. Holding on to what I'm feeling savoring this heart that's healing."_ **Flyleaf: 'All Around Me.'**

It was Sunday, the day of Ryan's funeral and it was raining. I used to love the rain; I used to love a lot of things. The day before, while Grandmother took Constance shopping in town, I finally got Pend to relent to me. He had been reluctant and distant at first but sex is still sex and it still feels good. It gave me the temporary relief from my mind that I had so desperately needed and it had given Pend a way to work with his frustration.

When it was over between us, when our muscles ached so much we couldn't move and when my skin was with the bruises from his teeth; he turned to me.

"I'm sorry I can't be who you need me to be." He'd said and then he'd gotten out of the bed and left me to my thoughts. I had felt the urge to cry swell up in me but I had cried too much already and no tears fell.

I put my suitcase and my Grandmother's in the truck of Pend's car. He wouldn't be going with me to the funeral or to the airport; Proctor would take us to both. Grandmother was speaking to Constance in an animated way while Pend and I stood in front of each other. I stepped forward, wrapped my arms around his middle and held him as tightly as I could. He stood with his arms at his side, refusing to hug me back and after a few moments I moved away from him, resting my hands on his shoulders.

"I'll be leaving for Europe in August," I told him, felt the muscle move as he nodded. "I'm saying goodbye now so that I can just leave when the time comes. But I'll stay in touch."

He nodded again. "I'm sorry for this tragedy Halo, I'm sorry your love was taken from you so forcefully. Halo..." He paused and I looked up at him, my eyes were covered with sunglasses and he lifted them so that he could look into my soul. "Halo, I promise you that I'll be there when you take your revenge on Ryan's murderer. I promise you that everything will be back as it was in only a matter of time and I promise you, Halo, I promise you that you will be reunited with Ryan in the afterlife."

Before I could say anything Grandmother and Constance were at our side, Constance giving me a dainty curtsy and Grandmother once again crushed my ex-lover in a bear hug.

"Thank you for everything Mister Pendergast," She told him. "Thank you."

"It was no trouble, I assure you."

Grandmother patted his cheek and then turned to me, smoothing my hair back. I looped my arm with hers and sent Pend a thankful look and a slight smile to Constance. "Come on honey," Grandmother said.

"Goodbye Mister Spencer and good luck," Constance said.

"Farewell my friend," Pend said softly.

"Goodbye, and thanks again for more than I can say." Sunglasses covering my eyes, hiding sadness and the numbness that had started to take over; I slid into the car seat next to my Grandmother. She put her arms around my shoulder and told Proctor how to get to the church; I looked out the back window at Pend.

**AUGUST**

My things were all packed, my wizard things still sat on my bed. A twelve inch wand made of rosewood and a dragon-heartstring core. Hybrid wands could be very dangerous but my wand had always worked quite well for me. Also in the pile was a folded dress-robe; those were the only wizarding things I owned and saw fit to bring with me. I didn't have any textbooks or anything like that, everything magical was inside me. I owed it all to my bloodlines.

I had mailed Dumbledore yesterday after I had used a particular charm on his Ministry to convince them I had worked for them briefly before joining the FBI. It was a lie of course, a well crafted lie but one I needed to lay in place. Of course, with a little in-depth searching, the aging wizard would discover my lie and I would likely be sent to Azkaban. It was worth the risk, anything to get away from America, to clear away the memories. I just wanted to start over, to be someone else until I was ready to be Halo Spencer again.

"Knock, knock,"

I turned, Grandpa stood in my doorway. He had been bald for a few years now, he was stooped with his age but he would always be the life of the party and full of zest. Grandmother was a lucky woman and my mom had been a lucky child to have him as a parent.

"Yeah Grandpa?" I asked.

"You're sure you wanna do this?" He asked me, coming into my room to sit on my bed. He didn't give me a chance to reply. "You've grown up so fast Halo, nearly as fast as your mother. You look so much like her..."

Grandpa trailed off, looking around at all my possessions. Pictures of me and childhood friends and of my class mates back in Salem; pictures of Ryan. My trumpet set on the self next to my rows of journals and flying trophies.

"Halo, just be careful while you're at Hogwarts." He told me. "And you know, that no matter what the time, whatever the reason, your grandmother and I are always here for you."

I smiled. "I know Grandpa," I said.

"I know that you know, I just had to say it." He stood, clapped me on the shoulder. "Good luck with it all, my boy. Your grandmother and I love you very much."

"I love you guys too." I said. "And don't worry; I'll watch my back at Hogwarts."

"Good boy," Grandpa said and then left me there.

I walked to my shelf, picked up my trumpet and began to play. I looked at the pictures in my room, at the few shirts of Ryan's I had been desperate enough to bring with me and I put my heart and soul into the music. In my mind I could see Ryan sitting on our back porch, strumming along to my trumpet, his fingers gliding over the cords of his bass. I could hear it my mind, that deep sound, like the slow rumble of thunder on a stormy day. I would never here him play those songs again, never sit on the back porch and just jam, making up the music we played and then sit together laughing. I missed him so much and those feelings, the ones I didn't know names for, the ones I could even begin to describe took on a life within my music. It hurt, my heart ached painfully but I couldn't stop playing the song, couldn't stop the mournful, heartbroken sounds. My soul, and Ryan's soul- would live through my music for as long as I could play, for as long as my hands moved for as long as I breathed. I would play the trumpet for him and I knew, _I knew_ that he could hear the music from his place in heaven with the angels. Ryan could hear my music and I would play until I couldn't play any more. For Ryan, I told myself; for Ryan.

**END**

The sequel is called "The Prince of Flame." – Gadget.


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